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Alcohol and Drug Services of Gallatin County_____
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Parenting Tools
A Resource Guide For Parents & Families
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On this Page
Other Resource Pages
meet the mythical perfect parent. . . |
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Who is she?
Just who is she, this phantom sage
Who sets the rules for every age?
Her curfew’s always later than
The one you’ve set, and her kids can
Go places your are not allowed,
And mingle with a faster crowd;
They get permission you’d refuse,
And get to wear the clothes they choose;
Her children are not given chores,
But get more money than yours;
What is her name, and where’s she from,
This "Everybody Else’s Mom?"
Mary Margaret DeAngelis
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now consider a different reality . . . |
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Yes Virginia, There are Functional Families!
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Virginia Satir, pioneer in family therapy, was the first to describe a healthy, happy
family and the poor coping strategies of families caught in dysfunction.
Nowadays everyone seems to come from a dysfunctional family that dealt with the
hard knocks of life by creating more confusion and pain.
Satir taught congruence and straight communication skills as a way of stopping the
unhappiness that some families create down through the generations. . .
So what is a functional family? Is there such a thing as a functional family?
Read the full article.
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refresh your parenting tools . . . |
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What Tools Have You Used
From Your Mental Health Tool Box This Week?
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 Watched problematic feelings as they came up. Called them by name.
Interrupted them.
Sought input from friends, an appropriate helping professional, or wrote about
your feelings.
Problem-solved difficulties and issues. Looked for self defeating beliefs under
chronic issues.
Made amends to anyone you hurt. Remembered love is being big enough to say
you are sorry.
Listened to constructive criticism. Increased self esteem by learning something
useful.
Interrupted your self-defeating thoughts.
Let others take responsibility for their problems. Dealt with guilt and needing to
intervene.
Refused to take on the put downs of others. Asserted self and set appropriate
boundaries.
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- To Teach Children These Skills You Must Use Them Yourself!
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Accepted your angry feelings and expressed them in safe, appropriate
ways.
Looked at a shadow part of self. Owned your projections of anger at
others.
Caught stress build up that preceded addictions use.
Felt the highs of addiction and called it by name. Observed how
addictive
behavior was rationalized.
Stayed with uncomfortable feelings to understand them instead of using a
substance or activity to deaden pain.
Used stress management techniques of deep breathing, meditation, progressive
relaxation, etc . . .
Observed self judging and criticizing others. Broke into control issues and looked
at own problems.
Felt good about achieving self growth and personal power rather than trying to
fix others.
Focused on respecting others. Enjoyed or accepted differences rather than
judging them.
Felt universal connection with others. Felt lovable and expressed that love to
others.
When confused, turned to the Higher Self or prayer for answers.
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- Remember, no matter what the confusion, love is always the
answer. -
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A Parent's Guide to Safe & Legal Teenage Parties
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The basics |
Involve your child in the planning.
Set the ground rules with your teen before the party. Let your teen know what
you expect.
Ask your teen to inform his or her friends about the rules before the party.
Stress shared responsibility for hosting the party.
Check coats and backpacks at the door.
Be home during the party. Agree on an area of the house where guests will be
comfortable and where you can supervise adequately.
Allow no alcohol, tobacco, or other drugs.
Immediately call the police if you suspect or find weapons. Do not attempt to
handle the situation yourself.
Limit attendance by sending invitations or making personal phone calls. Do not
allow uninvited guests to crash the party. Anyone not invited should be asked to
leave. If you have a problem with crashers refusing to leave, call the police.
Set time limits for the party. Drop-in parties are hard to control.
When a guest leaves, do not allow him or her to return. This discourages
guests from leaving the party to drink or to use other drugs elsewhere and
then return.
Notify your neighbors that there will be a party.
Invite other parents to help chaperon.
Encourage your teen to plan activities, music, videos, or games in advance of the
party. Drinking and drug use are sometimes the result of boredom.
Plan to quietly circulate among the guests. Do not isolate yourself.
If you suspect that a guest has used drugs or alcohol, contact his or her parents
immediately. Request that the child’s parents pick up their child as soon as possible.
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If Your Party Starts Getting Out of Control
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Turn off the music.
Announce to the guests, "This party is getting too loud; the party will not
continue unless the music stays turned down."
Emphasize that you, as an adult, are responsible for their actions and any
disturbance that is caused.
If a guest continues unruly or inappropriate behavior, request that he or she
leave your party. (The majority of the time, the unruly guest is intoxicated.)
If your guest continues the unruly behavior, contact the police department. Be
prepared to give your name, your address, the number of people at the party, if
people are intoxicated, and if they are acting disorderly.
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Tips for Parents of Teenagers Going to a Party
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Networking |
Many parents feel their students do not communicate.
Teens are remarkable, effective
communicators with one another, however. Any adult
who has observed scores of teens
arrive uninvited to a party, or on the doorstep of
another teen whose parents are "out of
town" might conclude they have some"
extrasensory capacities. That’s unlikely. They just
network, use cell phones and text messaging effectively. Parents need to network, too.
As a parent, have you ever wondered why, at least according to your student, you are
the only parent to impose a curfew as early as you do? Why are you the only parent
denying your student permission to attend a particular event, to rent a limousine to travel
to a dance, to stay out later than you had originally agreed?
If you know the parents of your daughter’s or son’s friends, if you talk to them
periodically, chances are you’ll discover your son’s or daughter’s friends are operating
under guidelines very similar to your own. Parents who do network find they are more
successful in helping their students stay alcohol-free and drug-free. Working with other
parents to discuss mutual concerns and to develop alternative forms of recreation makes
enormous sense.
The way to begin is by opening up channels of communication. Use every opportunity to
get together with other parents.
- Look for parents of your son or daughter’s friends at school functions
- Call them on the phone
- Collect a list of phone numbers
Together it will be easier to find out what is happening on any occasion.
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- Underage Driving Under the Influence (DUI)
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Young drivers are less likely than adults to drive after drinking, but their crash risk is
substantially higher when they do.This is especially true at low and moderate blood alcohol concentrations (BACs)and is
thought to result from teenagers’ relative inexperience with both drinking and driving.
Even though Montana has a legal minimum alcohol purchasing age of 21 years old, in 2005,
alcohol was involved in of 6.6% of all crashes for youth, and in 29.7% of youth fatalities.
Nationally, marijuana use is a statistically significant factor in many teen crashes. |
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If You Suspect Drug Use
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If you are concerned that your child has been using alcohol or another drug,
be open and honest about your feelings.
It is not unusual to feel overwhelmed by confusion, guilt, anger or fear. Try
not to let your feelings get in the way.
Cool down before thinking about the best way to respond.
What to do That Night
Talk privately with your child during a quiet part of the day when you won’t
be interrupted.
Focus on the behaviors
Begin by telling your child that something is on your mind that concerns you.
Mention your specific concerns (e.g. changes in behavior).
Name calling, scolding, blaming and threatening can create bad feelings.
Don’t be afraid to set standards and follow through
Make a firm stand regarding the use of alcohol and other drugs. Often
our children wish that we would say "NO" clearly and firmly. Set rules in your home and follow through with the consequences.
For the time being, don’t ask "why"
If your child admits to using drugs, it will not help to ask why. It is very
possible that your child does not know; they may have many reasons.
If your child does not admit to drug use, don’t push the issue for now.
By having this discussion, you have already let the child know that you are
concerned and that you are willing to talk about drugs. However, you can
use this time to make sure your values and the house rules are well known.
Ask for help
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What Can You Do If Your Son/Daughter Comes Home Drunk or Stoned?
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DO . . .
Try to remain cool and calm.
Talk to them and try to find out what they have taken.
Call a doctor or take them to the nearest hospital emergency department if they
are seriously ill.
Tell them, "We will talk about this tomorrow".
Check them often during the night if they are in a condition to be sent to bed.
DO NOT . . .
Shout at, accuse or hurt them in any way. All this is quite useless and harmful
when they are in this condition
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- What to do the Next Day -
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DO . . .
Talk to them immediately.
Have them assume responsibility for their actions including clean up.
Try to find out what happened and whom they were with.
Let them know you will not accept their behavior and you will be watching them
closely in the future.
Set up guidelines for behavior with your child as well as curfews for going out with
friends. Let them know you expect them to follow these guidelines.
Talk with them about other activities and choices, so they can avoid taking drugs.
DO NOT . . .
Have your discussion with them if you are too angry to talk about it without losing
your temper. Wait until you can discuss it calmly. No one gains anything from angry
words.
Try to hide what happened from other family members. Everyone in the family
should be aware of what is going on, especially when support and understanding
can mean so much.
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Related Resources
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- Other Parenting
Resource Pages -
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Adolescent Resource Center
(406) 586-5908
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